Money and You: Why It's Important NOT to Solve Money Problems
by Molly Gordon, MCC

Have you ever come to a financial sticking point and said to yourself, "Why don't I have this figured out by now?"

There's a simple answer. Money is an intimate part of many aspects of your life. It takes its value from you. That means that your finances involve a conscious relationship between money and you. And since you are a human being, not a human been, that relationship is going to change over time.

If you stop working out, you understand that you will eventually lose strength, tone, and endurance. You don't expect to "graduate" from going to the gym.

Yet you may treat your finances as a problem, something you should be able to master, once and for all.

When you look at money as a problem to be solved, that's exactly what you get. (If you're not sure about this, just think what would happen to your best relationship if you regarded the other person as a problem.)

But notice what happens when you consider yourself in relationship with money. Suddenly your finance take on a certain vitality. If you are conscious of the relationship, you will find all sorts of creative possibilities. If you are unconscious, your experience of money is probably not a happy one. (If you treated your friends like you treat money, would they stay around?)

It doesn't make sense to expect to solve or get over money issues, any more than it makes sense to think of solving or getting over marriage or parenting or friendship.

If you are struggling (still or again) with money, give yourself a break. Maybe what you are experiencing is not a problem but a call to conscious relationship between money and you.

What can you do to shift into conscious relationship with money? Read Keys to A Conscious Relationship with Money.

Keys to an Authentic Relationship with Money

Money has been associated with some of the least humane aspects of existence. It is easy to go unconscious around money if you've been conditioned to associate it with greed, envy, and the misuse of power.

Yet money in itself is ethically neutral. It has no inherent power or value. Without you to invest it with meaning, money doesn't even exist.

The first key to conscious relationship with money is to own that you and you alone assign it value. Yes, other people are involved in establishing the value of money in the marketplace. But when it comes to your life and choices, the buck stops with you. (Ouch. I couldn't help it.)

The second key is to investigate money's shadow. Wherever there is light, there is shadow, and the shadow of money will become immediately apparent when you own your side of the relationship.

The third key to conscious relationship between money and you is openness. No relationship can grow unless the partners are open to possibility, willing to look for new ways or relating and working together. When you drop your money stories and open to what you can money can do together, your relationship will blossom.

The fourth key is clarity. You've probably learned how quickly muddy communication can hurt a relationship. Much of the pain in your financial life can be healed when you know how much money you have, how much is coming in and going out, and what values guide your choices.

The fifth key to conscious relationship with money is a healthy model. Without a healthy model, you're making it up as you go. That can be exciting, but too often the excitement turns to panic when things go wrong. A healthy model helps you know what to expect and how to handle the inevitable difficulties that arise in any relationship, including the one between money and you.

Say hello to your finances. Make a decision to pay attention to money for one week. Notice your thoughts about money. At the end of each day, make space for a conscious encounter with your finances. Invite into this space a wise and compassionate Presence.

As you review the high and low points in your day related to money, see if you can keep your breathing open and free. Notice the tendency to contract or resist, and make space in your body for uncomfortable thoughts and feelings.

Daily practices like this can bring you into conscious, fruitful relationship with your finances.