Entrepreneurs Who Care Too Much: Why Worrying About What Customers Want Doesn't Work
by Molly Gordon, MCC

As I write The Way of the Accidental Entrepreneur, I sometimes worry that readers will need more than I can give. Hours, even days, can go by while I wrestle with this concern, until I notice that worrying about my readers has gotten in the way of doing my job.

The surprising roots of care

God, I love words! When I looked up worry for this article, I discovered that it comes from the Old English verb wyrgan, which meant strangle. (Over time, the original sense of the verb came to mean "seize by the throat and tear," another sunny image. That, in turn gave rise to the figurative meaning, "harass," and eventually, in the early 19th century to "cause anxiety." The noun came into use at about the same time.) How right is that? Worry chokes off inspiration and energy.

What may surprise you (it did me) is that the origins of care are similarly bleak. Its root is an Old High German verb, charon, to grieve. It's also related to an Old Norse word for sickbed.

Yikes! Suddenly caring for customers and clients doesn't see so high-minded.

Semantics aside, what happens when we worry about our customers' needs? I don't know about you, but I run monologues disguised as dialogues. I imagine what a client or customer might want or need that I am not currently providing. From this I create a complaint script, which I run over and over. Before long, thinking about what clients need brings work to a screeching halt.

What do clients want?

I think clients want to decide for themselves what they want, without needing to cater to our fragile self-esteem. So long as we do our jobs, which includes making what we offer visible and accessible, we can trust clients to do theirs, which includes deciding what they want and what it is worth to them.

Any number of conversations may arise as our jobs intersect: For our part, we may ask: How can I help? What are you looking for? How much do you want to spend? Customers may ask: How can you help me? What will it cost? How do I know it works?

When we ask and answer these questions from a place of open curiosity, without trying to manage the results, the conversations are frictionless. Because we aren't manipulating anyone or anything, we can give the best information and service we can without fear of pressuring anyone. Because we aren't staking our self-image or value on the client's response, they are can engage in the conversation without worrying about whether they can walk away at the end without hurting our feelings.